If you've ever felt like self-care is something reserved for child-free people—or like you're "bad" at it because bubble baths don't magically fix your exhaustion—you're in the right place. I get it.

It’s incredibly common for moms to feel overwhelmed the moment we finally get a few hours to ourselves. We spend most of our days with our attention pulled outward—caregiving, organizing, doing—that when we’re given space to turn inward it can feel…paralyzing.

Instead of resting, we often slip right back into doing more for others or numbing out by scrolling social media, only to end up even more drained because we’re too overwhelmed to know where to start.

I was there too: burned out, overwhelmed, and convinced I didn't have time for myself, but I always found time to take care of everyone else's needs no matter how exhausted or in pain I was. At one point, my burnout got so bad that I became severely depressed and had to call the National Suicide Lifeline to save my life. (You can listen to this podcast episode if you want to hear the full story.)

I felt so exhausted and alone in early motherhood. I thought that because it was “natural” I would just know how to take care of everything and everyone, including myself. Boy, was I wrong.

After burning out, having a mental breakdown, and coming out on the other side, here's what I've learned: self-care is not a luxury; it’s not something you wait to do when you “have more time;” and it doesn't have to be complicated or expensive. Self-care is about knowing your needs and meeting them so you can show up for life’s challenges from a place of strength instead of depletion.

Finding time and energy for self-care as a busy mom is hard, but having a mental health crisis made me realize that there is nothing more important than figuring this out because I can’t show up for myself or anyone else if I’m not here or not healthy.

Once I made the commitment to figure out how to take care of myself, I was quickly hit with the realization that I had no idea what my needs were, and I would get easily overwhelmed when trying to prioritize things in order of importance. The time I had for myself was still very limited, and I wanted to make sure that I was using it in the most effective way — but how?

As I continued to think and journal about this question, I came up with a simple list of self-care activities that all started with the letter “B,” because let’s be honest, my tired mom-brain needed something easy to remember on my most sleep-deprived days.

I call this simple list the 4B Self-Care Framework©, and it has been a total game-changer for me and many other women like you. Let me break it down.

What is the 4B Self-Care Framework©?

The 4B Framework is simple and practical. I created it to help me get unstuck, replenish my energy, and reconnect with myself when I was in the trenches of early motherhood, raising a one-year-old and a three-year-old while being the full-time caregiver for my brother, who has Autism and a severe autoimmune disease (shared with his permission).

This framework originated on a piece of printer paper where I wrote out my ideas using a dull pencil from my kids' art supplies bin, so you can rest assured its origin is rooted in the messy, imperfect reality that is motherhood.

Here's how you can adopt it:

1. Basic Self-Care: Your Non-Negotiables

This is the foundation of it all. This is about your most essential needs. If you have limited time or energy, this is what you should prioritize. If you get overwhelmed when trying to prioritize, know that Basic Self-Care always comes first.

The 5 types of Basic Self-Care are:

Sleep: Ditch the phone in your bedroom to avoid the temptation to numb yourself and instead create a calming bedtime routine. You could read a book, listen to a meditation, or light a candle (no need to break the bank here, it can be as simple as a tea light that comes in a cheap pack of 100).
Eating Well: Pre-make smoothie packs and freeze them for easy access on busy mornings so you can actually eat breakfast before chugging your morning coffee and starting the day’s to-do list.
Hydration: Grab a water bottle you love and keep it close. You might even treat yourself to a bigger water bottle so you don't need to fill it up as frequently.
Hygiene: You deserve to feel clean and refreshed. Sometimes, all we have the energy to do is brush our teeth and can't manage a shower, let alone a 5-step skincare routine, and that's okay—baby steps.
Movement: Try a 10-minute yoga video—even in your pajamas, surrounded by toys and the laundry pile. Ditch the pressure to have everything “just right” before you’re allowed to take care of yourself. Show up for your needs alongside the mess of life.

Tip: Start with 1-2 habits and build from there. If you try to focus on them all at one time, you’ll overwhelm yourself. Trust yourself to build each habit and add over time. Progress, not perfection!

That’s me! Making space for my wants and needs among the mess and demands of motherhood. My inner perfectionist was screaming! 😅

2. Boring Self-Care: Clear the Mental Clutter

These are the tasks you've been avoiding because they’re boring, stressful, or both! But, procrastinating on them is weighing you down and only increasing your anxiety.

The longer I put off my Boring Self-Care, the more mental clutter I have and the harder it is for me to focus and be present. Sometimes, we just need to set a timer and tackle something for 15 minutes. You can allow yourself to take a break after that, or the momentum might keep you going until you’ve completed it.

Confidence and trust in ourselves is built when we show up for the important things in life. The more you tackle Boring Self-Care, the more confident and at-peace you will feel.

Examples of Boring Self-Care:

Declutter that closet and donate the stuff you don't want or need—you’ll feel lighter.
Schedule the doctor's appointment you keep putting off—your health matters.
Review your finances—clarity brings calm.
Call your insurance provider and ask what the coverage is for talk therapy or acupuncture—not knowing the facts causes you to make up worst-case scenarios.

When you complete these boring but important tasks, your mental load lightens and you’ll feel less stressed and more present, trust me.

Once I finally cleared the clutter out of my home, I didn’t constantly feel the need to escape it. My life felt more spacious internally and externally.

3. Brilliant Self-Care: Do What Lights You Up

Here's where you get to reconnect with what makes you you. Whatever you choose to do should make you feel an inner glow. This kind of self-care can’t be measured the way typical habits and to-do lists are, but its impact is just as important.

Examples of Brilliant Self-Care:

Sign up for a dance class—even a virtual one.
Spend an afternoon in a bookstore, laundromat or thrift shop (I can’t be the only one who thinks laundromats are relaxing).
Call a friend who makes you laugh (yes, call—not text).
Go for a walk in your local park and see how many birds you can identify (unless they crap on you, then just focus on the flowers or trees).
Schedule fun into your month. You deserve it.

Again, these are just suggestions. Connect with your inner desires and choose what will bring you joy.

That’s me, making space for weekly dance class after 2 babies and 9 years away from a dance studio. This is one of the things that helped me finally start feeling like *myself* again.

4. Bougie Self-Care: Face Your Money Trauma and Allow Ease into Your Life

This type of self-care needs to feel luxurious to you. Your Bougie Self-Care must be true to what you find luxurious, rather than what capitalism, influencers, and social media ads insist you should be doing (e.g. all-inclusive vacations to Disney or buying a Birkin if that’s not what really replenishes you).

Examples of Bougie Self-Care:

Take a bath with Epsom salts and candles.
Treat yourself to grocery delivery or a cleaner. Even if you can only afford it once a month!
Listen to your favourite album out loud while you craft or bake something special just for you.
Meet up with a friend or family member for an at-home spa day. Give each other massages, facials, and watch a movie you love together.
Buy clothes that fit your body as it is right now, that make you feel like the gorgeous woman you are.

Remember: It doesn't have to cost a lot to feel luxurious.

My $5 weekly, solo coffee date was a balm for my weary soul. I would sip my fancy beverage slowly, journal, and take in the quiet. To this day, doing this for myself still feels like a luxury — it replenishes me and makes me feel so good.

Why This Framework Works

End Decision Fatigue: You’ll no longer waste precious energy figuring out what to do when you finally have a few minutes to yourself. The 4B Self-Care Framework© gives you a menu of options so you can simply choose and go.

Rediscover Yourself: This isn’t just about brushing your teeth or taking a walk. It’s about reconnecting with you—the vibrant, creative, whole person underneath all the roles you fulfill every day as “mom,” “wife,” or “employee.”

Build Your Self-Worth and Self-Advocacy: As you practice showing up for your own needs, you’ll start to rewrite the belief that you always have to come last. You’ll realize that advocating for yourself isn’t selfish—it’s vital. Learning to say, “I need this time,” or “My needs matter too,” is a muscle that gets stronger with use. And the stronger it gets, the easier it becomes to ask for help, set healthy boundaries, and create space in your life for what replenishes you. This framework gives you permission (and practical tools) to step into that power.

Start Here: Your Next 30 Days

For the next month, write down these intentions:

Basic Self-Care: 1-2 habits daily
Boring Self-Care: 1 task weekly
Brilliant Self-Care: 1 activity monthly
Bougie Self-Care: 1 treat monthly

Want More Support?

If you're ready to go deeper, join me in The No Longer Last Journey™, my 12-month program for women who are ready to make self-care a non-negotiable part of their life.

Or, start with my on-demand workshop, Rituals That Replenish, to learn how to build one lasting self-care ritual that supports you in your everyday life.