About this Episode

Postpartum can be an overwhelming time. It’s a transition that involves keeping another human being alive while also recovering mentally, emotionally, and physically yourself. It’s a big deal and yet, because it’s a “natural” part of life, people act like moms are just supposed to figure it out with barely any support or guidance.

Today, there are a lot more resources for moms than when I had my first baby almost 10 years ago, but—based on the conversations I’m having with moms–it still seems like we’re sending moms “out to sea” with a new baby and not much support.

In this episode, I’m sharing my best tips and free resources for new moms to help you have a healthy postpartum experience that puts your mental health and well-being at the forefront. These tips come from my personal experience as a mom myself, and also from my work in maternal mental health policy advocacy and public health education.

In this episode, you’ll hear:

The five things every new parent should plan for before giving birth
The truth about America’s lack of paid leave—and what that means for real postpartum recovery
How to create a realistic sleep plan that protects your physical and mental health
Why getting outside, even for ten minutes, is one of the most healing things you can do postpartum
How to recognize maternal mental health conditions early and find free, evidence-based support
What building your “postpartum village” actually looks like when you don’t have supportive family nearby
The mindset shift that can change your whole recovery

Episode Resources

Components of Mental Health and Wellness for Parents Fact Sheet

A free, research-based fact sheet created to help parents understand the key factors of mental health during pregnancy and postpartum. Designed with public health and maternal mental health professionals to provide actionable guidance for families. Learn More

National Maternal Mental Health Hotline (U.S. only)

Call or text 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262).

A free, confidential 24/7 hotline staffed by counselors trained in maternal mental health. Available in English, Spanish, and over 60 other languages. Offers immediate emotional support and connects parents to therapy and crisis resources if needed. Learn More

Postpartum Support International (PSI)

Offers free online and in-person support groups for a wide range of conditions and experiences, including postpartum depression, anxiety, OCD, birth trauma, and partner support. Also helps connect parents to therapists trained in perinatal mental health. Learn More

Plan Your Paid Leave

Resource #1: The Mamattorney
- The Mamattorney is run by employment lawyer, Daphne Delvaux, who runs an online legal education platforms dedicated to helping parents maximize their paid and job-protected time off to bond with their baby and take care of themselves. She is passionate about helping women take good care of themselves and their children and using the law to do it. I am not sponsored or an affiliate of this company. Learn More
Resource #2: Online search
- Search: “Employee paid leave rights in [your city, state]” to start your search.
- Example: Employee paid leave rights in Los Angeles, California.

When you’re ready, here’s how I can help you.

Free 4B Self-Care Framework© Guide: A great way to get started on your self-care journey, this guide provides an easy-to-use framework that makes self-care actually supportive rather than another burden on your to-do list. Get the Guide
Rituals that Replenish: Instant Access Workshop: This DIY 3-hour workshop (1 hour per week) will help you get to know your true wants and needs and will help you develop the habit of practicing one self-care ritual in your daily life. Learn More
The No Longer Last Journey®: Live Coaching Program: This 12-month program includes monthly coaching & community calls, classes, reflection guides, and weekly self-care reminders to help you overcome obstacles, improve your self-worth, and make self-care a sustainable and supportive part of your life. Learn More

Episode Transcript

[00:00:00]

Hey, I am Mia. Hemstad I'm a wife. I'm a mom

of two kids, and I'm a trauma-informed self-care coach. I also live with diagnosed PTSD and depression. I started sharing my mental wellness journey online in 2017 when I was diagnosed with postpartum depression and anxiety. And since then I've heard from hundreds of women who all struggle with the same thing, putting ourselves last.

This is a struggle that's. Keeping so many women burned out and unhappy through no fault of our own. By the way, I've been working on my own healing as an abuse survivor since 2013, but when I became a mom, I really started to do the inner work of figuring out why I was putting myself last, and how to start prioritizing myself for the first time in my life.

This podcast is about sharing. All of those lessons with you. So if you're interested in hearing honest stories, life advice, and inspiration that encourages you to make your health, happiness, and wellbeing a priority, then definitely stick around. [00:01:00] Welcome to your no longer last journey.

Hey everybody. Welcome back to the podcast. I'm not gonna lie, it's been a rough couple of weeks. Back to school started, and also I'm in the busy season at work. If you are new here, I work full-time as a communications director at a national nonprofit that works on maternal mental health policy. And I also run this podcast and self-care coaching part-time.

So it's been a little bit intense and. I've definitely been going through this process of having to recommit to the promises I've made to myself, which is why it's so important to have like that weekly touch base with yourself because things are moving so fast, and if you don't pause and check in and ask yourself what you need and figure out how you're gonna meet those needs, the days are just gonna keep going by and you're gonna keep getting depleted.

And so thankfully, even though life is [00:02:00] really busy and hectic and challenging right now. I feel like I'm staying afloat. It's not always easy, but I'm staying afloat and in the past I would just burn out, break down and fall apart. So, yay for progress, and I hope that you are also hanging in there with this transition into the back to school season.

I hope work is treating you well. And also something that I think is like not talked about enough is how this is also the time of year where there's Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, the holidays, and that also poses additional cognitive load, mental load on us. Mothers, because we're trying to make sure our kids have their costumes.

We're organizing the potluck for Thanksgiving, we're getting Christmas gifts. We're figuring out what everybody wants and needs, and we're trying to do it all on time, on top of everything else we're doing. So I just really hope that you're treating yourself really well and being very compassionate with yourself and replenishing yourself as much as you can, because if you don't.

You will burn out and you will not be able to enjoy the moments and the memories that [00:03:00] do happen around this season. And I think that's one of the saddest things is I cont tend to focus so much on what needs to get done, that I forget that this is my children's childhood happening right now, and I wanna enjoy it too.

I wanna enjoy the season too. And so in order to do that, it's important that I take care of myself. So I just wanted to pass that on to you before we dive into today's topic. Today's topic is all about postpartum, and when I say postpartum, I don't mean like postpartum depression. I am talking specifically about the period between giving birth up to one year after giving birth.

That time period is such a challenging, difficult transition, and even if you've had a baby before transitioning from one to two, two to three, whatever it is, postpartum is. Postpartum, it doesn't matter if you've done it before, it requires the same amount of care and planning and self-awareness and mindfulness and, and preparation if it's your first kid or your, or your eighth kid.

[00:04:00] So, um, I'm really excited to talk about this at length because I don't think I've done this before on my YouTube channel, on my podcast. Um, for context, I have two children. I became a mother almost 10 years ago. Um, and I would say my postpartums were very not great. Um, not good at all. And it's partly because I had no one to go to.

I'm not connected with my parents. I was the first person in my friend group to have a baby, and I just didn't know what, what to do. And I think that's. Part of the problem around postpartum is the social narrative around it. The cultural and social narrative is because it's natural to have a baby.

You'll just know what to do. And I definitely believe that. I believe that some maternal instincts we're gonna kick in, and I was just gonna know how to handle this. But the fact of the matter is, just because it's natural doesn't mean it's easy. Just because it's natural doesn't mean that you are gonna just like.

[00:05:00] Sink into this role of motherhood and running a home with a brand new baby with ease and with no need for guidance or learning or education on how to do it, especially since you have to also realize that you are doing this within the context of the current moment with the demands of modern parenting, with the demands of paying bills and the current economy you're in with the demands of wherever you're located, whether that's close to family and community or not.

And those unique factors bring layers and require you to think through what you have at your disposal, what resources and what you don't, and what you need to plan and prepare for to have a healthy postpartum. So now that I'm several years out from postpartum, I have had a lot of opportunity inside and outside of therapy to reflect on what happened, what went wrong, what could have I done better, what could my husband have done better?

And also to do a lot of processing, a lot of forgiving myself, a lot of realizing where, [00:06:00] where things went wrong and why. Um, and then in addition to that, I want you to know that professionally, you know, full-time, I work at an organization. That is focused on maternal mental health, the mental health of mothers, specifically during pregnancy and up to one year postpartum.

And we educate healthcare providers on these, on mental health conditions. On for mothers, we create educational resources for healthcare providers because they're the ones seeing the mother. But we also create resources for parents as well. And there's one in particular that I had the privilege to design, but also to help with the content and to help research it and pull it together.

It's called the components of mental health and wellbeing for parents, and I will link to that and several other resources in the description.

I highly recommend you download it. Um, it is, I, I worked on the content of this in partnership with public health professionals, maternal mental health professionals, people who do. Professionally , and they have the A degree in this and they focus on this. So [00:07:00] between my lived experience and their professional expertise on public health and the data and looking at the research to figure out what is the most important things that new parents need to do to have a healthy postpartum, we pulled together this fact sheet.

So definitely recommend this fact sheets completely free and download it, read through it, and share it with any friends that you know are gonna be postpartum or, or in it right now, because it's. It's based on personal experience, lived experience of what's needed, and also the research of what has been proven to help mothers and fathers have a successful, healthy postpartum experience.

So, yeah. Okay. So let's just dive into the first tip, which is pay time off. It is critical that you plan for paid time off, not just you. And that was where I went wrong, I thought, oh. I'm the mother. I'm the one giving birth. I'm the one who needs the most paid time off. The fact that my husband's only gonna get two weeks off because in California, if you haven't worked at a job for at least 1050 hours or at at least one year, um, you're not, um, [00:08:00] entitled to job protection.

So you could take time off. Most of it won't be paid, but you are not entitled to job protection. At least that was a law nine years ago. I don't know if it's changed. Um, so my husband only took two weeks off because that was his vacation time, his sick time. And I thought it would be fine. I thought it would be fine.

I'm like, it's just me and a baby. How hard can it be? You know, I, I am the middle child of 11 children. I grew up raising my younger siblings. I grew up babysitting other people's children. But here's the thing that we didn't factor in. The fact that when you have a baby, your hormones, I believe it's estrogen and progesterone, take a nose dive, they're very high during pregnancy, and then they crash when you give birth, and that alone creates a tremendous amount of internal challenges.

Not to mention the fact that you're like, you're hoping that your birth goes smoothly. Mine did not. I had an extremely traumatic birth, so I was not in a good mental state. I felt like I had been violated. I felt like I had been traumatized. [00:09:00] And you're also assuming that Breastfeeding's going well and that you're not gonna need any help with that.

Breastfeeding was not going well for me. And then you have to navigate the fact that you went from, at least for me, working full time, being around people all day long. I'm an extrovert to being alone day in and day out with a baby who's screaming at me. So that also takes a toll. So to think that you, the birthing person, the mother is the only one who needs to have paid time off.

F for postpartum is so wildly irresponsible, and I'm not saying irresponsible on you because if my husband was easily able to take that time off without all these rules that he might miss, he might get fired from his job because he is a new employee and in in America. Getting time off to bond with your child and recover from birth is considered a privilege granted to you by corporate America, by how much service you've given the corporate gods, which is disgusting to me.

We would've both taken time off. So when I say that it's [00:10:00] irresponsible, know that I'm not saying you are irresponsible. I'm saying that America is irresponsible. I'm saying the United States is so irresponsible to not make paid leave for people who are having children A. A. Right. Right, and I remember I was at a birthday party on Saturday talking to this woman from Sweden, and when I told her that I had three months off and how I was like, oh yeah, I was so lucky.

I got so much time off. Her eyes went so wide. She was like three months. Three months. I took three years with my first child and two years with my second child. She's like in Sweden, it's your right. You can take up to three years, each parent gets a certain amount and you, one parent can hand the leave over to the other parent.

So I was able to double my time and I was like, how much pay do you get? And she was like, oh, 80% of your pay. 80% my three months off in California. I had to use all my paid sick time, all my vacation time. So when I went back to work and I got sick, I couldn't take any time off. F, [00:11:00] which is insane. So I'm going to work sick, making everybody else sick.

That's insane. And then on top of that, I did have some paid time off through California's paid family leave law, but it was only 60% of my pay. And like anybody else, my husband and I were living paycheck to paycheck, paying off student loans, living in a small apartment, keeping expenses low. But we were living paycheck to paycheck.

And I don't know about you, but not a lot of people can live on 60% of their pay. And she's like, oh no, we have 80% of our pay in Sweden. I said, how high are your taxes in Sweden? She's like, oh, 30%. And I'm like, I'm pretty sure in California I was paying 22%. And that's not even including the fact that health insurance was costing thousands of dollars in premiums alone, not including copays, not including testing fees and all that stuff.

So if you actually per calculate how much you're paying out of your total pay for health insurance and add that in as if it's a tax. We're paying like 35% or more in [00:12:00] quote unquote tax. I'm saying quotes 'cause I'm Madigan, health insurance costs in America. So this idea that. In America, we have low tax.

It's really not true because this woman was saying in Sweden they pay 30% flat, but they get free college, free education, free healthcare, and paid leave up to three years. So I think that we have been diluted to think that we have so much freedom in America when we don't. We aren't even free to stay home and adjust and bond with our baby and help the birthing person recover and adjust.

I really think that's one of the greatest crimes of America, and it's something that I really hope gets fixed. I worked in paid family leave advocacy, both at the state level in California and at the federal level for a year and a half before I moved into maternal mental health policy advocacy work.

And let's just say we are being scammed. We are being scammed. And the reason why I'm emphasizing this so much is because. To me, this is the foundation, and it's not just the foundation because in my [00:13:00] personal experience, having my husband home would've helped me so much with, you know, I got really depressed and anxious, and it's because I was on my own.

I was trying to feed myself, keep myself hydrated, feed this baby, dealing with breastfeeding issues, feeling extremely lonely. I needed him there. I needed somebody there and he wasn't able to because he needed to go and provide for us 'cause he was gonna pay the bills. And I think my mental health wouldn't have taken such a plummet.

And that first year it wouldn't have been so brutal if I had had some help. So if this is something that's challenging for you, I want you to. Not skip this step. I want you to do your research based on whatever country or state you're in to figure out what your rights are to pay, leave, and maximize those and take the most of it that you can.

Whatever is available, because that is the foundation and the American Psychology Psychological Association, the A PA, has published a study [00:14:00] that shows that people who take paid leave. That it has protective factors against postpartum depression, meaning. That when you take paid leave, you're less likely to get mentally ill.

So not only is this my personal experience, but it's backed by science and it's something that you cannot miss. I wish I could provide you one simple link that tells you what your rights are, but in America they make it very complicated. Every state has different laws. And different rules, so I highly recommend Googling and doing your research.

There is one resource, this one employment rights attorney. She's based in California, but I believe she runs a program where her and her team research the laws for all of the United States, and I think her program is $97 a month. So I'll link to that as well. I haven't been a part of the program, but. I know she has helped many a mother maximize her paid leave rights.

Um, and I think if you, if I was, if I was pregnant, I would join, figure out what I can [00:15:00] do, learn about my rights, and then, you know, when I don't need the education anymore, I would probably cancel my subscription. But I just think that even if you had to sign up for a few months in order to know your rights and maximize your rights for you and someone else, it's worth it.

I also wanna emphasize that if your partner absolutely cannot take time off work either because the legal right isn't there, or because they work a job where they just can't take time off, then you need to find a friend or a family member who is willing to take time off. Maybe several, maybe they can stagger it.

Maybe your sister does two weeks, your friend does two weeks, your mother does two weeks, your aunt does two weeks. Like we need to create a wraparound chain of support around the new mother. Because having people there is one of the first lines of defense against postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, postpartum OCD, and all the other mental health conditions that can come up during the postpartum period.

So please [00:16:00] do your research, make a paid time off plan, not just for you, the person giving birth, but for everyone and anyone around you that's gonna be helping you out during that time. The second thing that I wanna recommend is creating a sleep plan. This is also based on my personal experience of waking up every two, two hours and how that really messed me up psychologically and physically.

Um, but also I just think we're not taught to value sleep. We're told culturally and societally that motherhood means you don't get sleep. And I remember really accepting that and being like, this is just the way it is. I'm a mother. I, I signed up for this. But the fact of the matter is we have evidence and research that shows that chronic sleep deprivation, fuels mental illness.

It makes mothers sick. So why are we accepting this as just part of motherhood? I think it's because then it makes everybody else get off the hook. We all just accept that the mother is gonna be sick and exhausted and burned out, and we say, well, that's part of being a mother. [00:17:00] Instead of going, no, this isn't normal and it's not okay and we need to help her.

So in my opinion, instead of having a baby shower, if you don't have anyone who can like come and help you, like do night shifts, like honestly, I wish I could have just fed that baby and handed the baby to someone else because burping takes 45 minutes sometimes. Sometimes that kid cannot get the burp out and you can't lay them down because then the burps in their chest and it's hurting them.

And, and really you as a mother, you should just be feeding that baby and handing them off, feeding that baby and handing them off at night so that you can sleep. Because sleep is how you recover. If you delivered a baby vaginally or via C-section, you need to be lying down and recovering. Yes, doing some movement walking, et cetera, but like to be on all the time as if you didn't just give birth.

Like to me, postpartum felt like I gave birth and someone said, now go run a marathon while holding a baby. You got stitches, who cares? Destroyed your vagina. Who cares? Go run a marathon. And oh, also you need to stay extra hydrated and extra fed [00:18:00] because you're feeding for two now and do it all while you're running.

No one's gonna be there on the sidelines for you. That's what it felt like. So if you don't have, like for instance, my husband didn't have time off, so he wasn't able to do the night wake up because he needed to. Go to work for 12 hours a day. So I didn't wanna wake him up and I didn't have anyone else there for me.

And in that case, I wish I thought of hiring a night nurse, but I didn't even know they existed. Now I know postpartum doulas, night nurses, night nannies, they exist and they help mothers get the sleep that they need and deserve. And now that I look back, I wish

instead of doing a meal train and instead of having a baby shower where people bought all kinds of clothes and onesies and gadgets, I wish I said, Hey, I am planning on hiring a night nurse. They cost. X number of dollars per night, and I would like to fund this N Nurse for my first three months [00:19:00] to make sure that I get sleep.

I would appreciate instead of baby gifts, a donation or a gift of money to go towards the sleep fund. I really think we need to normalize sleep funds because more and more of us are not living next to our communities of support, like family and friends who are able to really be there for us in those hard moments.

And so we need to hire support, and I know it doesn't sound as warm and cozy and fuzzy. It's having your family there, having your mom there every day, but not everybody has the privilege of their mom taking three months off of work and moving in and having the space in your home or apartment. To have your mom sleep there.

Not everybody has that. And so I think we need to normalize hiring support and having people, your community chip in to make that possible. And again, this is backed by science. If a mother gets four to five hours per night of uninterrupted sleep, it is protective against mental illness, so please, please, please prioritize that as well.

The third tip I wanna say [00:20:00] is get outside every single day. One of the things that can be hard for a new mom is getting outside. It can cause anxiety. Sometimes it can cause OCD, it can cause, I don't wanna say it, cause it, it can exacerbate those things. So like, if I'm already feeling anxious, I'm anxious to leave the house.

What if this happens to my baby? What if that happens to my baby? You know, what if my baby starts crying uncontrollably and I, and I'm like in the middle of a sidewalk or something like the overwhelm that can happen. Is a lot. And I think the only way to overcome that is by getting outside. It helps when somebody's with you, right?

Again, having someone take time off so that you're not doing this all alone and you can take turns. Um, but it's really important that you get outside every day. Make a plan. Either go to your favorite coffee shop, go to the library, go to the park, anything. Put it in your calendar. Even just be like, every day we, we leave the house, we go somewhere different.

You can go to the same place every day, if that helps you. But I stayed home most of my maternity leave, and that really took a toll on my mental health. The second time I gave birth, obviously I [00:21:00] left the house more because I had a 2-year-old in addition to a newborn, and so I had to leave the house.

But I was alone. And so it actually exacerbated and worsened my anxiety because I would be sitting down breastfeeding my newborn, and then my 2-year-old who is just starting to learn how to test limits and is excited about life and discovering things, you know how toddlers are. And then he would climb up somewhere and like get stuck.

And then I'm like so stressed because now I'm trying to hold my newborn while I'm like climbing this double decker playground structure. To get my toddler. It's, it's, it, it made going outside really overwhelming. Which again, to go back to tip number one, which is paid time off plan, you and a support person, okay?

But bottom line, getting outside is really important. And if you need to go to like an indoor playground or somewhere where your toddler is not gonna get themselves hurt, I remember one time my. Son like was running toward the parking lot where cars were zooming in and out and I had to literally run after [00:22:00] him while holding my baby.

So I think finding a playground that is suitable and safe so that you're not worrying about danger all the time. Very helpful. Um, and I think prioritizing that is important and at that time I had this belief of I'm the mother and I'm supposed to serve.

So it doesn't matter if going to this specific location stresses me out or doesn't matter if going to this specific location is too much for me, I'm gonna go. And I think the reason why I kept going back to this playground, even though it wasn't great for me at the time, was because I was caregiving for my brother, um, who has autism and a significant.

Autoimmune disease shared with his permission. Um, and he, one of his, um, stimming behaviors for his autism is swinging. He needs to swing. Um, and he was swinging for like an hour's straight. He had to get out every single day. So it didn't matter if I wanted to go to the library that day, it didn't matter if I wanted to go somewhere else, I had to take him to this one playground that like he really wanted to go to, because if I didn't, he would get really upset.

And so I was balancing the moods of my brother, my [00:23:00] son. My newborn. That was a lot. That was unfair. And again, if I had a support person, maybe someone could have taken my brother where he wanted to go, and I could have went to the library for sing along and story time. You know what I'm saying? So again, this just goes back to the fact that I was in this on my own.

And so what I needed in any given moment was completely lost on the list. And trust me. I suffered for it. I eventually had a significant mental breakdown a few months later when my son was two and my daughter was like four or five months old. I almost fainted in a grocery store, and it was one of my really bad rock bottom moments that made me realize that I have to stop what I'm doing and restructure my life.

Um. So yes, so please get outside every day. Tip number four is be aware of what maternal mental health conditions are and get support. So I had no idea what postpartum depression was. I remember when I gave birth, I had an evaluation and they told me that I'm at high risk for postpartum depression and other , maternal mental health conditions.[00:24:00]

I was in a daze. I had given birth four days prior. I had bled out so much that I almost had to get a blood transfusion. My son was born not breathing. I was really traumatized. Um, and so this lady bless her heart screening me for mental health conditions, handing me a pamphlet that wasn't helpful. I honestly was in shock and I didn't know what to do, and I did nothing about it.

I don't even remember what the pamphlet said. I didn't even understand the significance. She just screened me, circled the boxes, and handed me a pamphlet. That was it. So, yes. Now, my job as a communications director is to educate people about maternal mental health conditions so that they don't go through what I went through.

They don't show up to their postpartum checkup, and they're being told about something so significant as maternal mental health conditions. And they're hearing it for the first time when they're in this state of shock and transition, and instead they're hopefully hearing about it and learning about it well before they give birth.

So [00:25:00] maternal mental health conditions are mental health conditions that affect the mother during pregnancy and up to one year postpartum. They can include depression, anxiety, O-C-D-P-T-S-D, bipolar and even psychosis, which is where the mother is having hallucinations and it, she could. Do harm to herself or her baby, or both?

These are significant. They affect one in five mothers in the United States, one in five. Okay, that's a lot of moms and, , unfortunately, mental health conditions contribute to the number one cause of death for new mothers in the United States by way of suicide and substance use, overdose. So it's pretty significant.

And doctors, your obstetrician, whoever you're seeing during your prenatal appointments should be educating you about this because it's a risk factor for one in five women. And if you have other risk factors, it can, it can increase your chances of having mental health conditions during pregnancy and postpartum.

So it's really important. And it's also important to know that these conditions [00:26:00] can affect you during pregnancy, not just postpartum. Okay? And if you know about them and you know where to get support, you won't have these conditions sitting in you festering in you getting worse and ruining your postpartum experience and your ability to bond with your baby and your ability to stay connected to yourself.

So where do you get support? There are two places. Okay. Number one is the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline. This is US only. This is a confidential free hotline that's available twenty four seven. Call or text. English and Spanish, and also has 60 other languages available via translation. The it is staffed by counselors who are trained in maternal mental health conditions, so it's not gonna be like what happened to me when I called the National Suicide Lifeline and they didn't know what to do with me because while they're trained to try to keep people alive, they didn't understand exactly what I was going through as a mother.

The National Maternal Mental Health hotline is only three years old. It's very new and it's. My organization that I work for, we advocate for money, tax dollars to fund [00:27:00] this hotline. That's part of what we do, and we are the reason why this hotline was established. So this hotline is 1 8 3 3 TLC, mama, 1 8 3 3 TLC, mama, MAMA.

Save it in your phone, share it with your friends. It is free. It is confidential, and it is staff of people who know what you're going through and can connect you with resources for support, get you a therapist if you need one. They can help you and they will follow up with you. Okay, so this is an incredible free resource.

Another free resource that is amazing is Postpartum Support International. It's an international organization that takes care of parents who are going through mental health conditions during pregnancy and postpartum. They have online and in-person support groups for almost everything OCD support group, depression support group, anxiety support group, dad support group, birth trauma support group, um, near miss.

Survivor support group. They have a group for everything and it's free. And on top of that, you can access so many different resources and support through postpartum [00:28:00] support international. In fact, when I had my second baby, my midwife wrote down their website postpartum.net, on the back of her business card, and I contacted, I found a therapist through postpartum.net.

I called someone crying about what I was going through, and they weren't confused. They knew exactly what I was talking about. Because they also have postpartum support. International has people who are trained in this answering the phone. They don't answer the phone all the time. I believe I had to leave a message and get a call back.

So if you need more immediate support, call the hotline. But actually fun fact, the hotline is staffed also by postpartum support international people. So it's like all the same network, but one is like a warm line. I would say postpartum support. International is a warm line. They have support groups, resources, and then the national Maternal mental health hotline is the.

The hotline that's available day or night. And if you are in crisis, they will transfer you to 9 8 8, which is the suicide lifeline. Or you know, make sure that you get the immediate support you need. So those are the two resources that I highly encourage [00:29:00] you to save on your phone, share with your friends.

And I will also include those details in the description of course.

then last I. Then my last tip is to be in community. Okay? This means not just like step tip number one, where I'm like, have a support person because the two of you are, whoever that is, let's say it's your husband, are in the trenches together. You're both exhausted. You're both going through this transition.

You're both emotionally invested in each other yourselves. This child. It's a lot and it's a lot to expect your support person to also be able to have the capacity to be emotionally. Available and checking in with you in that way as well, right? We have so many different needs as humans, and I think it's a lot to expect one person to meet all of those needs, especially postpartum when you're also meeting the needs of a tiny little human that poops 12 times a day.

Okay? So what do I mean by being community? At least once a week you need to talk to someone. You need to have a coffee date with a friend. You need to go to Mommy and me play date. [00:30:00] You need to go to library story time. You need to go to an online support group. You need to go to an in-person support group.

You need to call a friend, call your mom, call someone you trust. Somewhere where you can let your guard down as a mother and say how you're really doing. Every week you need a space to say how you're really doing. It could be with a therapist, it could be with a coach, it could be in a, in a group. You need a space because the survival mode and the work that is taking care of yourself and taking care of a baby postpartum is so much work.

And that's not even counting in the fact that maybe you have a toddler or maybe you're caregiving like I was for my brother. That work is so much that you are not taking the time to check in with how you're doing mentally and emotionally if your needs are being met. If you're teetering on the edge of burnout, if you're about to fall apart, if you feel like you're hanging on by a thread, unless you have a container, a space.[00:31:00]

To talk about that, where someone's inviting you to talk about that and can help you work through that, or at least be in a space where other people are going through it too. That is one of the most overlooked and most important pieces here, because we think that we're gonna just naturally, you know, think about and do something about our mentally emotional state.

But the fact is a lot of us don't do anything until we hit rock bottom and it's really bad, or it starts to affect the people we love. And in order to stay on top of that and to prevent that from happening and to prevent crises from happening, we need a weekly space where we're checking in. So be in community.

Genuinely figure out how you're gonna be in community postpartum. Make a plan and put it in your calendar and have your support person who's home with you, you know, hold you accountable. Hey, I know you really don't feel like leaving the house today, but you've gotta go to mom group. Uh, just put your hair in a mom bun.

Get your yoga pants on. Put on your [00:32:00] jacket and go, because you need to connect with other people who get it. That is so important. Okay, so those are my five tips. I do have a bonus for you, and that is, and I'm gonna read it straight off because I wanna capture the full thing, practice the mindset, shift that taking care of yourself and taking care of your baby.

Is the work. Do not fall into the trap of quote. I didn't get anything done today. Productivity must be redefined postpartum, protecting your health and wellbeing. Is the work. Nothing else is important. Don't think I'm gonna get all these house tests done. I'm gonna get all these house projects done. I'm gonna get this done.

And oh, I'm such a bad mom because the floor hasn't been vacuumed in three weeks. I'm such a bad mom because the mountain of laundry's on the couch, I'm such a bad mom because the dishes are never out of the sink. Those things don't matter. Postpartum, they don't [00:33:00] matter. And I get that it makes us feel better when we are not living in clutter and fill.

Yes. But then reach out to your community and say, Hey, this Saturday, can you guys all come over and help me clean my house? Just ask. You would be surprised who's willing to show up for you, but don't try to do all this yourself and don't do it first. I'm totally fine. If you wanna fold out the laundry, I'm totally fine.

If you wanna clean the floor, I'm totally fine if you wanna deep clean your bathroom. But have you been in community? Have you gone to mommy support group? Have you done something that makes you happy? Have you gone outside? Are you eating nourishing meals? Are you being supported by somebody? I want you to prioritize those things so often, including with myself, I see us as mothers prioritizing the cooking and the cleaning above our own physical, mental, and emotional health.

These things can all coexist as important, but there is an order of priority, and the order of priority is [00:34:00] so important because it ensures that we use our limited time and energy and resources on the things that matter most, so that if we happen to run out of time, energy, and resources, the stuff that matters less can just wait till tomorrow.

Do you see what I'm saying? I want you to understand that protecting your health and wellbeing is the most important thing you can do. It's the goal and everything else is secondary. That's all I had for you today. I'm going to link to the fact sheet components of mental health and wellbeing for parents.

I'm gonna link to the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline. I'm gonna link to Postpartum Support International, and I'm also gonna link to my four B Self-care framework. It's a free guide that goes over the four types of self-care that you need to practice. In order to maintain your health, happiness, and wellbeing, it's absolutely free.

I hope you will check out these resources and I hope you'll share this episode with a friend because postpartum, while natural is not easy, and we all deserve to be educated on what we can do to protect our health and wellbeing during that [00:35:00] really vulnerable time. All right, thank you so much and I hope I'll see you in my next episode.

Bye.

This podcast is a production of AURA XVII