About this Episode

This episode is Part 3 of my Thrive as a Working Mom series, and we’re closing it out by talking about one of the hardest, most essential parts of motherhood today: expanding your village.

The truth is, most of us are raising kids in isolation—without the built-in community our mothers and grandmothers had. That leaves so many working moms feeling like they’re constantly behind, exhausted, and trying to do the work of an entire community alone.

In this episode, I share:

Why modern motherhood feels so heavy without a village
How to start redefining what “community” looks like in today’s world
Practical ways to bring more support into your life (even if you don’t have family nearby)
How to release guilt around asking for or investing in help
My personal stories of building support systems that allow me to thrive as both a mom and a professional

You are not meant to do this all alone. Expanding your village doesn’t make you weak—it makes you wise. My hope is that this episode helps you see new possibilities for support, so you can protect your health, your family, and your career.

In this episode, you’ll hear:

Why modern motherhood feels so isolating without a village, and why it’s not your fault
How to rethink what “community” looks like when family support isn’t available
Practical ideas for expanding your village at every budget level—high-cost, mid-cost, and low/no-cost
The hidden mental health benefits of outsourcing chores like cleaning, laundry, and meal prep
How asking for help (and accepting it) can reduce burnout and give you back precious time
Why building support during the early years of motherhood is one of the most important investments you can make

When you’re ready, here’s how I can help you.

Free 4B Self-Care Framework© Guide: A great way to get started on your self-care journey, this guide provides an easy-to-use framework that makes self-care actually supportive rather than another burden on your to-do list. Get the Guide →
Rituals that Replenish: Instant Access Workshop: This DIY 3-hour workshop (1 hour per week) will help you get to know your true wants and needs and will help you develop the habit of practicing one self-care ritual in your daily life. Learn More →
The No Longer Last Journey®: Live Coaching Program: This 12-month program includes monthly coaching & community calls, classes, reflection guides, and weekly self-care reminders to help you overcome obstacles, improve your self-worth, and make self-care a sustainable and supportive part of your life. Learn More →

Episode Transcript

[00:00:00] Hey, I am Mia. Hemstad I'm a wife. I'm a mom

of two kids, and I'm a trauma-informed self-care coach. I also live with diagnosed PTSD and depression. I started sharing my mental wellness journey online in 2017 when I was diagnosed with postpartum depression and anxiety. And since then I've heard from hundreds of women who all struggle with the same thing, putting ourselves last.

This is a struggle that's. Keeping so many women burned out and unhappy through no fault of our own. By the way, I've been working on my own healing as an abuse survivor since 2013, but when I became a mom, I really started to do the inner work of figuring out why I was putting myself last, and how to start prioritizing myself for the first time in my life.

This podcast is about sharing. All of those lessons with you. So if you're interested in hearing honest stories, life advice, and inspiration that encourages you to make your health, happiness, and wellbeing a priority, then definitely stick around. [00:01:00] Welcome to your no longer last journey.

Hey Welcome back

the podcast. I'm excited 'cause this is the last part in the Thrive as a working mom series and today I'm gonna be focused on how to expand your village. We have all heard this so many times, we need to be raising our kids in villages. We were meant to be raising our kids in villages, but there are no villages because the modern age is such a way that we don't live next to family of origin, or we are becoming more psychologically aware of

Generational trauma, toxic dynamics, bad And some of us,

Like myself, have chosen to be no contact from certain family members in order to protect my wellbeing and the wellbeing of my family. So regardless of why your village might be a lot smaller than what is ideal, regardless, it's important to learn how to rebuild

village so that

you

can

raise your

family and

[00:02:00] live your life in as supported a dynamic as possible.

'cause when

we more we

healthier,

we are happier,

we are able to show up for a life.

and our responsibilities

from a much more replenish and whole place.

So

if you're new here, I'm Mia. I have

kids I have

been working professionally for 10 years. I'm currently a communications director at a national nonprofit, the Maternal

Mental Leadership

Alliance, and I also run this.

Part-time

my self-care coaching business and podcasts. So I have been working full-time or part-time

since

my

kids were infants. So a of practice

with how to thrive as a working mom, because I have a lot

of experience with not

thriving and burning out and becoming exhausted

and sick and ill, the things so.

I have been sharing in this three part

series all of the best tips

that I can give you so

that you also

thrive as a working mom. And I'll link the other

episodes the show notes below.

So without further ado, what's my first [00:03:00] tip

to expand your village?

Well,

want to

divide these ideas into three categories.

There's high cost support ideas, mid cost support ideas, and low cost to no cost support ideas. And I wanted to do this because in today's day and age, honestly, expanding your village looks like investing in it financially. And I know that a lot

of us hate that idea.

Trust me, I hated it too. I grew up very poor, so the idea of having to spend money on any help is really hard because I kept comparing myself to like,

well, you know, like I have

a friend whose mom like lives next door and she comes over and helps all the time.

Or I have a friend whose cousins are there and they help babysit and blah, blah, blah. If you do that, you're gonna be stuck in this trap where you're always exhausted, always burnt out, always unsupported. And wasn't happy. 'cause you're comparing what you don't have to, what somebody else has. And I understand that 'cause I have, you know, I have no contact with most of my [00:04:00] family.

So trust me, I understand their frustration. But the sooner you can accept your situation and move forward, the sooner you'll be able to find solutions and start living your life in a much healthier way. So I'm gonna cover three different categories of ideas that you can get support and. I'm gonna divide them by cost, starting with high cost.

high cost support ideas. First one is a house manager. I do not

personally have I

plan to have one soon. I finally am at

a place

where I see how valuable it would be to have a house manager, especially now that my husband

is also

gonna be working full time,

Having somebody come in even for just two hours a day to

run or reset the house or cycle

through a load of laundry would be hugely helpful. And I know in our minds we're like, oh my God, this is probably gonna be a huge amount of money. But if you have someone who comes just 10 hours a week, let's say you pay them $20 an hour, that's about 800 to $1,000 a month, depending on how much they cost per [00:05:00] hour or how many hours you have them.

And I know 800 to a thousand dollars a month is way more than most people can

afford.

This is a high cost support idea. And again, if you are a dual income household. Having someone come for a couple hours every day could save you and your partner. A lot of fighting, a lot of stress, a lot of frustration, and I really think that our generation, millennials and Gen X, the people who are raising kids right now need to start valuing, protecting our mental health a lot more.

We need to be the generation that finally sees the value of protecting our mental health and do what's needed to protect that, our relationships, our

mental health,

our wellbeing. If having a house manager two hours a day can help you and your partner function

in

a healthier way with less stress, it's worth it.

Another high cost support idea is having a nanny. Obviously this is very straightforward,

but.

but I know people who, you know, their kids are in childcare

and they have a nanny I that's great

Because it's nice to have [00:06:00] an extra pair of hands in the evening,

especially if your

kids still require you to shower them and brush their teeth and you know, floss.

And

There's

so much to do every single day when you have little kids. It would've been amazing to have an extra pair of hands. Maybe I would've showered more often. Maybe I would've changed my clothes out, my pajamas during

day. Maybe I would've taken a

a nap instead

of becoming sleep and and

depressed.

So I think even if , in a season when your kids are really young, let's say from zero to three you have a nanny come and be a part of your life, and then maybe phase the nanny out as your

enter

kindergarten or preschool. I think that that can be hugely helpful. Okay, so midco support ideas. We have a robot vacuum.

This is huge.

Okay. A robot vacuum

can cost between 200 to $400. I mean, there's obviously fancier ones, but. I remember there was one month in my coaching program where I was encouraging everyone to treat themselves to some bougie self-care and bougie self-care as [00:07:00] defined by me is not just like handbags and getting your nails done.

It's anything that feels luxurious to you.

So

when I told my clients like, you know, one of my bougie self-care was buying a robot vacuum, everyone was surprised. At first. They thought,

thought was

gonna

say, got a

massage, or I went to a hotel. No, I got a robot vacuum, and the most amazing thing

about it was I was spending 45 minutes every other day after my kids went to bed.

vacuuming the living room and kitchen because of

the amount food on the floor my

toddlers.

It was a lot. And once I got that robot vacuum, I

would do dishes, turn the robot vacuum

on, and all of a sudden I had 45 minutes back into my day and I started

to use that

time to take a hot bath with Epsom salts and essential oils. And that time was so needed because my kids were finally in bed.

The house was finally quiet,

and I

could just have that time soothing my aching muscles and hearing myself think for the first time all day. And it

brought

to [00:08:00] me by the robot vacuum. So to me, a robot vacuum was a huge luxury. It felt like

a gift

I gave to myself to give myself back time and energy and mental space.

And it was so nice to have one less thing on my

So

getting a robot vacuum is an incredible mid cost support idea, and my robot vacuum is definitely a part of my village. Another mid cost support idea is laundry service. You could have a weekly laundry service. People come, or you could drop it off once a week.

That's huge. Listen, I would never give my delicates and my expensive underwear to a laundry

But everything else, all the

towels, the sheets,

bedding,

All the other clothes, the kids' clothes that you know they're gonna grow out of, and they're covered in

anyway, let

someone

clean that and

just do yourself a favor of calling them and figuring out how much it costs.

You might surprise yourself with how affordable it is, and again, it's one less thing on your plate. So let's say you spend all Saturday morning, every Saturday doing laundry all day, and having the weight of, oh my God, I [00:09:00] need to turn out the laundry. I need to switch laundry. I need to switch laundry. And someone else

just it and it, and drops it off folded

and clean and done.

Now you have

three more hours back What could you do with that? Could you go on a hike with your friend? Could you go out for a

coffee alone, a

journaling day? Could you

sleep in?

Like maybe you and

partner could take turns taking

a nap? Like there's so much

Ease

and self

care that

can be found when we just outsource one thing and instead of thinking, oh, I

could do that myself.

Think this is a part of my mental health toolbox. This is a part of my self-care toolbox. This is something I'm paying for so that I have time to take care of me. You know, I like to say that mental health care is not just medication and therapy. Mental health care is anything

we do

that enables us to take care of ourselves.

And

getting a vacuum

and having weekly laundry service enables you to have time to get more sleep. To exercise

to do something

fun, then it's [00:10:00] absolutely a part of your mental health treatment plan. We need to stop thinking of healthcare as only things we do inside of a doctor's office or the pills we take from the pharmacy.

We need to think about healthcare as everything in anything in our lives that enables us to take good care of ourselves, and one of the most important healthcare. Things that you can do for yourself are healthcare preventions, meaning activities or things that you do that prevent disease, prevent stress related

Health issues exercising and taking a shower and brushing your teeth.

All of these things,

is care

and people in our busy western world do not have time for preventative care 'cause we're too busy doing everything ourselves, vacuuming everything ourselves, doing the laundry ourselves, handling everything ourselves. Taking care of the kids, all of ourselves.

We need a village or we cannot engage in the preventative care that is self-care. So if you're feeling like you don't have time to take care of yourself, I'm gonna ask you, what does your village [00:11:00] look like? And are you resisting expanding your village because you're

too busy your village

or lack thereof to Susan down

street who

super supportive family.

I'm gonna urge you to let it go. Let go of what you do not have, accept

your situation

as it is, and then work with what you've got. 'cause that is the only way you're gonna take care of

and

that is the only way that you are gonna enjoy this one life that you have

really passionate there.

Let's dive

into the

next Midco support idea. Okay?

Meal prep support. This is something that I just brought on the very

first time, so I have somebody. Who's gonna be coming on Sundays

from two to

four 30 to help me and my husband meal prep. I like meal prepping. I hate cleaning up after it. I never have energy.

So having another pair of hands to come in and also paying someone to come and ensure is that I'm not gonna skip meal prep.

I

have a plan now. It's gonna be written down. We're all gonna know what to [00:12:00] make. And we're gonna meal prep every week. 'cause now my husband's starting a

full-time job

after five years of not having a full-time job.

it's be a big

transition for me and my family. And I don't want our

eating

to be sacrificed because of us both working

time.

And again,

goes

back to that preventative care. Eating healthy is a huge way that we take care of our health and our wellbeing. And I'm not gonna sacrifice that simply because we have less time.

I'm going to use some of the income

we're

bringing in to bring on some support so that we can make that happen.

So support way to make sure

something as important

as healthy eating happens

on a regular basis.

basis.

Another idea is getting weekly house

cleaner. They can come every other week, monthly, quarterly, whatever.

But having house cleaning help

is huge. I used to spend my entire Saturday cleaning my house and

then felt very resentful

irritated

with my family

that

the was always a mess it was on me to clean.

And yeah, get involved, but I constantly pushing them

and pushing them and pushing them and pushing them.

And now I have someone who [00:13:00] comes once a week. And she cleans the house. And now

I have

time on Saturday to go to the beach to take a nap.

And that's

what I've been doing,

like been napping more or going

longer walks. Or two weeks ago I

went to the beach by myself.

I

read

chapter book. took on

the beach.

I went to

favorite cafe

and got a smoothie bowl. It was amazing, and I just feel like this is what I wish more moms

do, find ways to give

themselves back more time. So that we can

care

of the needs that only we can take care of, right? Because I know that laying in the beach and reading a book and spending some time alone really refuels me and replenishes me.

But it, I can't do that without feeling stressed unless I hire someone to basically replace me and the work that I'm gonna do. , And yeah, my husband could take it on. But what

he loves to

do on Saturday mornings

play with our kids.

That's one of the things. That I love about

is

he doesn't struggle with like [00:14:00] putting aside household chores in order to prioritize quality time with

kids. Whereas

for me, I feel like the work has to get done because who's gonna do it? And then I'm like, okay, then I can play with the kids. So by having somebody

come in and us with that, have to sacrifice

time with

kids.

I don't have to sacrifice time with the kids and I get to

replenish myself

and come back to my family feeling a lot more energized.

And then the last mid cost support idea

is getting quarterly

declutter and organization support. Listen, not only do all of us

struggle overconsumption, but

feel kids,

every every

three months, they need a declutter

because and they stop fitting things, interests and all of an set toys doesn't to them They're constantly bringing home papers from school, and it takes me all day

to sort and organize.

and. Next time I'm gonna bring in the help of, again, my mom friend

does domestic work

and ask her to help me because [00:15:00] clearing out

of their shoes, clothes,

papers, and then dusting everything

and vacuuming, everything so much work.

It took all day.

And I literally

had

a back

ache from that for two weeks after. And so from now on, once a quarter, I'm just gonna hire someone to come in and help me

So

that I'm not

it by

myself.

and I involve my kids

and my husband, and that makes it take longer. But I want my kids to learn how to organize, how to declutter, and the value of that.

So again, it's like why am I taking this all on myself to become irritated and in pain and frustrated

and resentful

when I can invest some money into bringing someone in to help me so that I don't have all of the overwhelm, the decision fatigue, and the work of handling all of this by myself.

Okay, now we're

gonna pivot to low cost to no cost support ideas.

Number one, grocery delivery. Love grocery

delivery. I remember when I started doing that the

pandemic

I felt like I not

felt I had three more hours in my week. 'cause I wasn't driving to the store shopping, packing up the [00:16:00] groceries, coming home, unloading it, you

know, having to up

my apartment with the elevator

over and and over,

like three trips.

, You know, those Costco

they're, they're massive. , So grocery delivery

is an amazing

saver.

started doing that, please

try a way to make that happen. Monthly childcare for a self-care day for you. I had a client who had a babysitter come once a month

that could herself out to coffee.

go shopping by hear her own thoughts, sit in her car and

eat her food.

You know, the therapy

being car alone without

screaming

at you. ,

I thought that beautiful.

And I think what's beautiful about having a recurring day where someone's coming to help

you is it gives you

light at the end of the tunnel. You're having a really rough. Month. You know that that time for you is coming and that.

Can give you so much peace and can help you handle the next tantrum, the next work challenge, the

next difficulty, next busy season.

Because you know that you have breaks built in, [00:17:00] you have support coming, you have

sure your village locked in.

That

is huge.

Okay, , the next thing is a quarterly house cleaner.

Again, I'm gonna keep bringing up the house cleaner thing. So many moms are like, yeah, but I can do it myself.

blah, blah. Yes you

can, but even if you have someone come. Once a quarter to deep clean, that's gonna be huge for you.

It's gonna be

work off your back and work off of your partner's back.

Just invest in it and see the spaciousness

in your life

open up and the time to take care of yourself. Come back to you. And then another idea I wanted to share is childcare swap. This can be harder

do,

but I really wanted to mention

it because

if

have zero budget.

Doing a childcare swap can be super helpful.

And I've been doing this with one of my friends and it's been really helpful. Of course, you have

feel super and trusting

of the person you're swapping with, and there

to

be a lot of communication, but I think it can be super helpful because then you can meal prep, run errands, clean whatever you need while your kids are having a play date with somebody else, and that can be [00:18:00] so helpful.

And I think in general, especially in this

modern society, we need to be

better about asking for help. And risking the rejection, risking feeling embarrassed, because we need to

help

each

other.

You know? We need to ask for a village and be the

We

need to support each other in that way. And then lastly, I wanted to mention in-person and online support groups, support groups

are so helpful.

I cannot tell you how powerful it is to be surrounded by people who understand your experience. It could be a codependency support group, an Alcoholics Anonymous support group, a no contact family support group.

A religious recovery, religious trauma recovery support group.

It could be a new mom support group.

There are so many support groups out there. If you just Google what you're looking for, plus support group, plus

your location, will find something.

And whether it's virtual or in person, I recommend. Having some emotional support in your village so that you can be around

people who

understand your [00:19:00] experience and you can learn from each other.

And the bottom line, you can feel less alone. I think we underestimate how important it is

to

not feel alone in whatever we're going through. Okay? It's so important whether you have a child who's medically complex, whether you are dealing with. You know, there's even support groups

for multicultural

families.

So like maybe you're

dealing with racism from one side your family.

Maybe you're dealing with religious trauma recovery, like

there's so many

support groups out.

Out there so that you can feel less alone in whatever you're going through, and that's gonna help you with your health, your wellbeing, and how you show up in life. Because carrying burdens alone and feeling alone in them is heavy. It is so heavy and it's just not healthy. It's not good for you to do. So.

I know that we've all been like lied to that. We can just be like strong and white knuckle ourselves through life, but that is not the way it's meant to be. We are meant

to be

in a village. We are meant to support each other. Unfortunately, we live in a world now where a lot of us have to pay for the village.

And trust me, like there was a [00:20:00] time I had $0 to do any of this, but I wish I still was more open to asking for help. I wish that I finagled my finances to prioritize the village when my kids were younger because I burned myself out really bad, and I barely have memories of that time. And I want to remind you that whatever support you bring in, if it feels huge and impossible.

Remember that it doesn't need to be permanent. It could be temporary, it could be

for a season. Like I I

think it's really important that parents prioritize a village when their kids are under five years old, but especially under three years old. 'cause that time is really intense and it can really quickly turn into a, a very stressful, exhausting time if you don't make sure you're supported.

So I, that's one of my biggest regrets. Looking back at my early motherhood is I really wish that I prioritized the village during that time.

And speaking of

my next [00:21:00] video is gonna be about how to prepare for a healthy postpartum. I'm gonna be sharing my top five tips. I've had two kids, I've gone through so much postpartum, including depression and anxiety, postpartum, and I have learned a lot.

And I also work at an organization that's dedicated to helping pregnant and postpartum mothers. Have the healthy outcomes. So this is something that I live and breathe literally all day, every day, and I'm excited to share my top five tips

with you.

So

sure subscribed so that you get notified when that episode drops.

So that wraps up our How To Thrive as a Working Mom Series. I hope you found it helpful. , I would love to hear your feedback and if you have any questions, things I didn't cover or things you want me to dive into more, let me know, drop a comment and I'm happy to, , think about whether or not to do it because I really want this content to be responding to you guys and what you need.

So I appreciate your feedback. Alright, thanks for spending time with me and I'll see you next time. Bye.

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