Thrive as a Working Mom Series, Part 1: How to Create a Self-Care Routine that Recharges YOU
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About this Episode
This episode is the start of my 3-part series, Thrive as a Working Mom. As a self-care coach, communications director, and mom of two, I know first-hand how easy it is to give 100% to everyone else until there’s nothing left for yourself.
I know from brutal, personal experience that when you have nothing left to give, everything else in your life suffers. Protecting your health and well-being IS protecting your family and your career. One of the first steps to protect yourself, your motherhood, and your career is to learn how to create a self-care routine that recharges you, which is the focus of this episode. I also talk about the mindset shifts and practical routines that can help protect you from burnout, and I share personal examples of boundaries you can practice in your own life to help you show up for your family, your work, and yourself.
My hope is that this episode gives you permission to accept your own limitations with compassion, to start where you are, and to build a self-care routine that feels doable — even if it’s just ten minutes at a time.
In this episode, you’ll hear:
Why energy is a finite resource, not an endless one
The “100% pie” mindset shift to avoid burnout
The 5 types of Basic Self-Care from my 4B Self-Care Framework©
How to build evening routines that actually work for moms
Boundaries as the prerequisite to self-care
Why motherhood, work, and home life are naturally depleting — and how to replenish
When you’re ready, here’s how I can help you.
Free 4B Self-Care Framework© Guide: A great way to get started on your self-care journey, this guide provides an easy-to-use framework that makes self-care actually supportive rather than another burden on your to-do list. Get the Guide →
Rituals that Replenish: Instant Access Workshop: This DIY 3-hour workshop (1 hour per week) will help you get to know your true wants and needs and will help you develop the habit of practicing one self-care ritual in your daily life. Learn More →
The No Longer Last Journey®: Live Coaching Program: This 12-month program includes monthly coaching & community calls, classes, reflection guides, and weekly self-care reminders to help you overcome obstacles, improve your self-worth, and make self-care a sustainable and supportive part of your life. Learn More →
Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Hey, I am Mia Hemstad. I'm a wife. I'm a mom of two kids, and I'm a trauma-informed self-care coach. I also live with diagnosed PTSD and depression. I started sharing my mental wellness journey online in 2017 when I was diagnosed with postpartum depression and anxiety. And since then I've heard from hundreds of women who all struggle with the same thing, putting ourselves last.
This is a struggle that's. Keeping so many women burned out and unhappy through no fault of our own. By the way, I've been working on my own healing as an abuse survivor since 2013, but when I became a mom, I really started to do the inner work of figuring out why I was putting myself last, and how to start prioritizing myself for the first time in my life.
This podcast is about sharing. All of those lessons with you. So if you're interested in hearing honest stories, life advice, and inspiration that encourages you to make your health, happiness, and wellbeing a priority, then definitely stick around. [00:01:00] Welcome to your no longer last journey.
Hello everybody and welcome back to the podcast. Today kicks off my three part series on how to thrive as a working mom. If you're new here, my name is Mia Hemstad and I'm a mom of two kids. They are elementary school age, but I started working from home when my son was only five months old, so I have been working as a mother.
Without childcare, with childcare, with very limited childcare, with full-time in school kids, the whole like kit and caboodle. I have been working for eight years, so I have developed a lot of tips, mindset shifts, strategies, tools to help me be successful, uh, Working as a mother. And just to give you some context for my career, I have a degree in communications media.
I, have worked in a variety of big and small companies and nonprofits. [00:02:00] My career shifted halfway through the last 10 years to do mainly communications for policy work. I started in paid family leave policy work in the United States, and now I work in maternal mental health policy work. So the organization that I work for, the Maternal Mental Health Leadership Alliance, we basically, advocate.
For federal money tax dollars, your tax dollars to fund resources and programs that support moms, new moms specifically who are pregnant and postpartum and struggling with their mental health. I started this YouTube channel originally to talk about my experience with mental health and also my postpartum depression and anxiety experiences.
So it's really. Amazing and cool that I get to now, work on a systemic policy and public health level to, help moms who are facing what I went through eight years ago. So yeah, I'm now the communications director. I manage people underneath me. I, collaborate with all the senior leaders at the organization.
And so, I do that. And then I also do [00:03:00] this where I run a podcast and a coaching business, helping moms take better care of themselves. I say all of this so that you know, that I understand, what it's like to have the pressures of a demanding career. to be an ambitious woman, while raising kids to have big dreams and goals for myself, but to also wanna do that while not burning out and while enjoying my motherhood.
So know that that's the place that I'm coming from as I give you these tips, and I will probably sound. A broken record here. If you've been a long time listener, you are gonna hear some tips that you might've heard before. But I thought, you know what? It's worth repeating because I think all of us could use reminders on how to take good care of ourselves.
And everything that I'm gonna be sharing in this next three part series is specifically around being a working mom. So if that sounds good to you, make sure you subscribe and leave me your comments and questions. 'cause of course, I wanna make episodes that cater to you and your needs. And so if you have a question, I could probably make a podcast episode about it.
So I'm looking forward to [00:04:00] hearing what you have to say. Okay, so thriving as a working mom. This first video I wanted to focus on how to create a self-care routine that recharges you. So if you listen to last week's episode, you know, I've already talked about the concept of everything in life either depleting you or replenishing you.
There's very few things in life that are neutral. and when you move through your day with that awareness, you understand that you don't have this unlimited capacity. And this is something as an ambitious person that I really struggle with because I am a very hard worker. I've been working hard since I was a child,
Really struggled with this idea that I'm human and have a limited amount of energy. And when I was in college, I, was studying all day and then working on film sets all night and on the weekend. And so I was used to working 16 hour days. But once you have kids, your relationship to your own energy has to shift and change.
You have to really adopt the mindset that your energy and your capacity are finite resources. And everything you do all day long is [00:05:00] either replenishing or depleting. That energy, especially when you're raising kids. 'cause raising kids involves a lot of invisible labor, a lot of mental load, a lot of things that require energy being emotionally available, soothing, temper tantrums, helping your child navigate anxiety, stress change shifts, everything, right?
And so when you go into this series with this mindset, this is the first thing I wanted to share with you. That you are not a machine. You are not a robot. You are a human being with limited capacity. You know, oftentimes when I'm coaching very ambitious women in my program, I have to give them the visual of a pie.
You only have 100%. You only have one pie. You cannot give 100% to your fitness goals, 100% to your motherhood goals, 100% to your marriage goals, 100% to your career goals, 100% to your home organization, you know, remodeling goals. There's only one, 100%. So you have to decide in this season, in the next month, in the next 90 [00:06:00] days, for the next year, what.
Which activity, which goal, which area of your life is gonna get? How much of that percentage? Right. So like for instance, for me, like my fitness goals are getting 20%, my motherhood is getting 50%, my career is getting probably 40%. Like, you know, I'm just throwing out numbers here.
I don't even have a pie. But what I'm trying to say to you is when you realize that you only have a hundred percent to give you, have you then come to the understanding. That when you try to give a hundred percent to every area of your life, that is a recipe for burnout. And when all of the areas of your life, if you tell me everything that you are focusing on and none of those things.
Are replenishing you, like actively replenishing you, meaning activities or experiences or things that give you energy.
Then you are showing me that you are most definitely gonna burn out. So go into this series with a mindset of, okay. I only [00:07:00] have a hundred percent to give. I'm a human being and I need to structure my life around making sure that I am replenishing alongside all the things I'm doing that are depleting my energy.
Okay. So the first thing I want you to focus on is to create a self-care routine that fulfills your basic self-care needs. Okay? Basic self-care is the first B in my four B self-care framework. If you don't know what the four B self-care framework is, I highly recommend that you download my free guide. I will link it in the show notes and description, but basic self-care, whenever somebody comes to me and they're burned out already or they're coming too close to burnout and they're like, I don't know where to begin.
Basic self-care is where you begin. It is first. It is the foundation upon which your entire life is built, and if you do not prioritize your basic self-care, you cannot show up for your family. Well, it is impossible. Trust me, I have tried and I have been hospitalized. I've almost fainted in a grocery store.
I am so stubborn when it comes to thinking that I am, you know, a machine I [00:08:00] can just push through. No. You cannot push through. You have to practice basic self-care. There are five types of self-care in basic self-care, okay? Basic self. Self-care is a category. Think of it as an umbrella. And underneath this umbrella, there are five types of basic self-care.
Those are sleep, eating well, hydration, hygiene, and movement. Okay? I am gonna repeat this for you. Sleep. Eating well, hydration, hygiene, and movement. Whenever you feel like life is very full, overwhelming, you have low energy, you have low capacity. Come back to basic self-care, these five things. Sleep, eating well, hydration, hygiene, and movement.
You don't need to do the most extreme version of all five of these things, but you need to be touching base with each of these things, okay? And making small changes in every area here so that you can be replenishing yourself. 'cause these are the basics that [00:09:00] keep you. Healthy, happy, and whole at the baseline.
Okay. Without it, you almost definitely become sick. Ill burned out, chronically fatigued, et cetera. Trust me, I have been through this and still have a lot of my clients and I have had to help them come out of that by starting with basic self-care. So I wanna give an example of what that routine looks like for me.
Maybe it can inspire you. So for me, sleep, I try to get to bed by 10 30 at the latest. how do I make sure that happens Is my kids' bedtime needs to be on time. My kids need to be in bed by eight 30 'cause I know myself and I know that I need at least two hours from when they go to bed. To when I go to bed, because that's how long it takes for me to unwind.
So in order for that to happen, we have to work our way backwards. We have to have structure. So that means dinner's at six, we all clean and tidy from like 6 45 to seven 30. They get in the shower at seven 30. They're brushing their teeth, they're getting their hair combed out, hair blow, dried teeth, brush [00:10:00] floss.
By that point, you know, I laid down with them for a few minutes. It's eight 30. So having a set routine for your day, especially your evening, is gonna help the whole family function around that. So, you know, I think it's funny when people go, well, you just need to set an alarm that reminds you to go to bed for moms, it's way more complicated than that.
I have to work the clock back all the way to dinner time, you know, to make sure that dinner's happening on time. The kitchen's getting cleaned on time, everyone's getting showered on time, blah, blah, blah, blah. So that everyone's in bed on time and. That sounds like a lot, but it's a routine now that happens automatically and it's something that I had to work on when I was working on improving my sleep.
I love all the sleep hygiene tips. I could do a whole episode on how to have better sleep hygiene. But if your evening is not structured in a way that enables you to have the wind down time that you need as a mother so that when you're going to bed, you're actually ready for bed, none of those sleep hygiene tips matter that whole, like, you know, keep your phone [00:11:00] outta your room.
Make sure the temperature's 68 Fahrenheit or cooler. Make sure you're not too hot. Make. All of those things are great, but if you don't have a routine and a structure that gets your kids to bed on time, none of that matters. Okay? So I want you to think about your evening, and I want you to think about what happens, what's getting in the way of you being able to get to bed at 10 30, you know, rather than thinking, what are the things I need, you know, I need to.
A white noise machine. I need a meditation app. I need to subscribe to this meditation. I need better pajamas. I need, you know, before you think of all the things you're gonna bring into your life, I first want you to think what's getting in the way right now of me taking care of myself? What's getting in the way right now of me going to bed on time?
And once you make that list, you're gonna start working through those obstacles and that's what's gonna help you start to get to bed earlier. Yes, all those other things are great. The pajamas, the meditation, the sleep machine. But I find that too many mothers are focusing on what they can add in to improve their [00:12:00] self-care, and they're completely neglecting that.
A lot of times. What's getting in the way are obstacles, okay? Not things you need to purchase, but things you need to get rid of. Things you need to like, I like to say, decrease, delete, or delegate from your life so that you can free up time, energy, and mental space for your self care. So I feel like I could do a whole podcast episode just on that, but I hope that gives you some ideas.
Eating well and hydration. Right now I have a really big 32 ounce water bottle that I try to fill every morning. That's how I stay hydrated. And when it comes to eating well, what this means for me is eating in a way that gives me energy. So this comes down to the groceries that I order every week. The meals that I'm planning for myself to make sure that I'm eating lots of vegetables, lots of fruits, low gluten, no gluten, low dairy.
Like that is how I eat well, and I, again, have routines and structures that help me make that happen. and when I wasn't eating well, realize it's because I'm keeping a lot of like. Gluten and dairy in the house. And so I have to make sure that I have [00:13:00] limited those items and increase the amount of fruits and veggies that I buy.
Right? Or, you know, making sure that I'm like prepping fruit. Like yesterday I cut up this huge watermelon and I filled the fridge with cubed watermelon and my son was like, we're not gonna eat all that right now, mom. Why are you cutting up all that watermelon? Because every time I go in the fridge and want a snack, I wanna be able to quickly grab a snack rather than grabbing a bag of chips , or another pack of cookies.
So that's an example of how. building a routine around your self-care can make it easier to do that basic self-care. and then when it comes to hygiene, showering can be really challenging for a lot of people. For me, what really changed it was recognizing that I only have this one body and I need to show her love and respect.
taking a shower is how I do that and brushing my teeth is how I do that. So instead of thinking I should shower, I should brush my teeth. I think I deserve to shower. I deserve to brush my teeth. I deserve to take care of this body that does so much for me and that helped me a lot, but I honestly have to say with every single kind of self [00:14:00] care.
It's very individual. Like what motivates you to make it happen in your life is gonna be different from what motivates me. And that's why coaching can be so key because everyone is different. But hopefully, um, you know, some of the things and experiences that I share, either from my personal life or from the clients I've worked with, can help you, come up with some ideas.
I call it finding your way in. you have to find your way in to the change that you wanna see. 'cause everyone's motivations are different. And then the last basic self-care is movement for me. I went a lot of years without moving my body. I have struggled with chronic fatigue and chronic pain in the past.
Um, I still kind of do. But my movement has gotten so much better. I probably exercise, three times a week, sometimes more. And the only way this started was by starting extremely small. so again, you know, keeping things doable. Not trying to go to the full 100% on something, allowing your movement practice to start [00:15:00] just with 10 minutes of movement a day.
Maybe just some gentle yoga, then maybe some short walks. Then maybe you increase the duration of your walks, or you go up an incline. Make it more challenging, but finding your way in, you know, for me, going on walks outside and listening to music is my way in. I love being outside. I hate being in gyms. I hate moving on the treadmill, but being outside I find really motivates me and excites me.
And being able to listen to my music or a podcast or an audiobook really excites me and motivates me to go on a walk. So again, find your way in to making movement a habit. Before I move on to the next tip, I just wanna emphasize that you are not gonna, get all of these basic self-care practices figured out in a week.
I am finally doing really well on all of these, and it's taken me like. Three years. So please know that focusing on one to two at a time is really where it's at. That's the sweet spot. And after these things become easy for you to do, then you can add in one more and then another [00:16:00] one and another one.
So really just take your time with it. This is not a race. Learn to live your life alongside improving your life. You don't need to wait to live until you've been quote unquote, fully healed, or you know, improved or actualized, or realize. I really hate that mentality. , So the second tip, this is really important, setting hard boundaries with work to protect your rest and your time with yourself and your family.
So I have really struggled with this in the past. Um, I mean, I work full time and I run this coaching business. it's really hard to find time. To rest when, I literally used to build this podcast on weekends and during nap times and after my kids went to bed. But then, as you can imagine, that eventually stopped working because I started to get really, really tired.
So right now what this looks like is Saturday is our sacred On Saturdays I'm not allowed to open my laptop. I'm not allowed to work. Saturdays are my spontaneity days. They are family day, they [00:17:00] are the day we do family movie night. And honestly they're very unstructured. It's kinda like we wake up as a family and we decide what we wanna do that day.
And I have found that to be very rejuvenating, very replenishing, because I am, have to live by such structure. Every day that it's such a relief to have a day where I don't have to be structured and organized. it's also the day when I have a lot of like sweet treats and stuff. And that's also really important to me because again, I'm like eating pretty well, like all the other days.
So I try to make sure that I let myself have a sweet treat, you know, that extra ice cream or cake or whatever I wanna have on Saturday. but the only way that that's possible is by setting really hard boundaries and continuing to enforce them. So that means, closing my laptop at six, not checking my work, email or slack after hours, not responding to people outside of work hours.
you know, it's really challenging to do that, especially when I work from home and so my work is my home and I'm [00:18:00] actually trying to change that. Moving into this new school year, et cetera, in September. but if you don't have boundaries with that, it's gonna leak into every area of your life and start stealing your rest and stealing your opportunities for connecting with other parts of you that have nothing to do with work.
And that's really important because you are more than your job. You are more than what you do. And when you have those hard boundaries with work, you're able to connect with who you are and what makes you happy, right? Not just the roles you fulfill and the things you can do for people, but who you are as a person and what brings you joy.
And I really think that when we don't have boundaries with work, that is really where the burnout creeps in because. The burnout to me is the extinguishing of our inner light, our inner glow, like what makes us radiate energy from the inside out, what makes us who we are. And when you set hard boundaries and enforce them, you are able to make space for what I like to call brilliant self-care, which is any activity or experience [00:19:00] that lights you up, that protects that inner glow from becoming extinguished.
So these are things that make you feel like you. So for me, that's dance, listening to music. Hanging out with friends, cooking, baking, coloring, going to the beach, those experiences that keep my inner light protected so that I don't become burned out. But it wouldn't be possible, you know?
And I went through this. I didn't have time or space to do those things, and I was like, what's going on? I was like, it's because you're working all the time, Mia. You don't really shut your laptop at six. You're checking Slack at 10:00 PM You're working on Saturday, you're editing your podcast on Sunday.
So there was no time for me to protect my brilliant self care. So, you know, I know I'm gonna sound like a broken record, but genuinely, if you're feeling run down. Instead of saying, what more do I need to add and why can't I make it happen? First, check in with your schedule and see what you need to decrease to delete or [00:20:00] delegate, because you probably have way too much on your plate.
And once you clear that, then your mind is able to go, Ooh, I have a free afternoon. What do I wanna do with it? I wanna bake some cookies. Or, oh, I have a free morning tomorrow. lemme text my friend and see if she wants to get coffee. It's, you know, as much as I wanna give you all the activities and things that you could try, I know for a fact that so many moms have so much on our plates that the first step is actually the setting boundaries.
The decreased delete delegate, right? The 3D boundary setting framework, because that is gonna help you free up that time and energy. It's gonna give you more space so that then you can add in the self-care, right? Then it's more possible and more doable. Otherwise, you're trying to cram. More things into an already cram schedule.
And that's why I think so many moms are like me as self-care just feels like one more thing to do. It just feels like one more thing that I have to fit into my busy schedule. And when I don't make it happen, it's one more thing that makes me feel like a failure. And I agree with you and that's why [00:21:00] we can't start with adding in the self-care.
we have to start with freeing up our time and energy and our mental space, and we do that through boundaries. And that's why I always say that boundaries are the prerequisite to self-care. Self-care is not really possible without boundaries. So tip number two is set hard boundaries with work and even with family and anything else that's taking up a lot of your time and energy.
The final tip for this video is practice the mindset shift that managing a career, a family, a home is naturally depleting. I mean, if you're somebody that's like, I get so much energy from taking care of everyone all the time, good for you. But if you are 99% of human beings. It probably is gonna exhaust you a bit, even if you find the work fulfilling.
Even if you find the work rewarding, which I do. Raising a family and living life is rewarding, fulfilling work, but it's [00:22:00] also exhausting work and it's work that if I'm not careful, can consume every aspect of my life. And when I talk to my clients, they experience the same thing. They're just like, I love my kids, I love taking care of my family, but I feel like there's no time for me.
That's something I really wanna emphasize to you right now, that you can love your family and love taking care of them, and also be tired by it. Being tired and admitting that it makes you tired doesn't mean that you love them. Less like two things can be true at the same time. I had a therapist, an incredible therapist who would say that to me all the time.
Two things can be true at the same time, I can love taking care of my kids, and I can also acknowledge that it's exhausting. Okay, I can love my work. In maternal mental health policy, and I can also admit that it's exhausting working in the political landscape, working in the federal government, working in the United States political atmosphere, especially right now, I can acknowledge that being married comes [00:23:00] with a lot of perks, and I can also acknowledge that it comes with a lot of frustration.
We have to stop with this binary thinking that things are either or when most things in life are. And most things in life have two sides to the same coin. That's just normal. That's nature, that's life. And if you need another example, like a good one, is the fact that like you could be out at the beach and the beach can give you so much energy and beauty and peace and serenity.
The birds are, the seagulls are, you know, making their sound and the, the waves are making their sounds and the feeling of the sand, the sun, the smell of sunscreen. I love the smell of sunscreen. And all of these things can be bringing you so much joy and peace. And at the same time, the ocean can destroy things.
It can drown people. It can capsize boats. The waves can get so big that it erodes shores and destroys houses. A hurricane can come through and destroy an entire. Um, island. I grew up on Guam, so [00:24:00] this is where this example is coming from, but I just grew up witnessing how something can be both beautiful and dangerous, and that's life.
And so you need to come into your day-to-day recognizing that. whenever you feel resistance to taking care of yourself, whether it's taking a shower or finding the time to move your body, or making the effort to have a healthier snack, even if it means, washing the fruit and cutting it up rather than grabbing the bag of cookies.
When you feel resistance to taking the time to do that, and you think, I don't have time for this. I have so much to do. I have so much on my plate. I'm so stressed, I'm so tired. I want you to remind yourself. That the work you do every day as a working mom is not replenishing you. And you need to do these things of showering, of moving your body, of [00:25:00] hydrating, of eating well and making that healthy snack of, getting sleep and having wind down time.
You need to do these things so that you can replenish yourself because you are a member of your family too, not just the manager of it. And if you treat yourself like a machine or like a manager and not as a person and a member of your family, you are going to burn out and you are going to constantly struggle with this mental war of whether or not you should shower.
Move your body. Eat healthy, drink water, see your friends. Make time for fun. It's always gonna be a battle. Self-care is always gonna be hard if you do not practice the mindset shift that everything that you do, managing a career, a family, a home, these are naturally depleting. Responsibilities. And if you do not incorporate into your daily and weekly life naturally rejuvenating and replenishing activities, you are going to become irritable towards your [00:26:00] loved ones, maybe even resentful.
You might become extremely angry and frustrated that a lot of the labor of running a home and building a your career and taking care of your kids falls on you. Self-care is more than just a nice to do thing. It's something that protects your heart from becoming. Resentful and bitter. And there's nothing that makes me more sad than a woman who, in her old age has spent all her life raising a family and realizes in her old age that she's been carrying resentment and anger in her heart for decades.
And now she is stuck with that pain and doesn't know where to put it. And I feel like I've seen a lot of women like that, and I just remember thinking. Honestly, just sad for them because I know that they just didn't know what to do with it. And I want us to be a new generation of mothers that does something about that so that we can go into our old age [00:27:00] feeling securely in who we are, feeling good about what we've done, the children we've raised, the homes we've built, the careers we've grown, and feeling like we didn't lose ourselves in the process.
So please remember that taking care of yourself, even if it's something as simple as a 10 minute shower or a 10 minute walk around the block, it's about so much more than checking off a box. It's about self-preservation. It's about showing up for your loved ones, it best as you possibly can. It's about moving into your old age, being fully intact as a person and not losing your personhood.
In the process of everything that you're doing every single day.
So that's all I have for you today. I wanna thank you for spending time with me, and I'm looking forward to talking about the next tips for how to thrive as a working mom. It's all about how to build a system with your partner. This one [00:28:00] is really good and really important, and I can't wait to share those tips with you.
All right, I'll see you next week. Bye.
This podcast is a production of AURA XVII
Hi there, I’m Mia Hemstad!
I’m a mom, abuse survivor, self-care coach, and the founder of The No Longer Last Journey® — a movement to empower mothers to make their health, happiness, and well-being a priority. I’m also a maternal mental health policy advocate, and I live with PTSD.
I believe that every mom deserves to be a priority in her own life, and when she thrives, everyone thrives.
Check out more on the blog!
