Summer is coming — or is already here. And the pressure moms feel all year to create summer memories with our kids is now at its peak. It feels like every other social media post is someone telling us the “586974379436 ways to make our kid's summer UnFoRgEtTaBlE.” My nervous system is fried every time I scroll, TBH.

As hard as I try to tune out the social pressure to make my kids' summer “unforgettable,” I still feel it. But here's the thing, you can feel it and not act on it. No, seriously. Societal pressure does not have to dictate what you do. It's not easy, but you can absolutely give these unrealistic pressures the middle finger and decide to create a version of summer that works for you.

Taking the time to think and plan what your version of summer will look like is important because for most moms just because it's summer doesn't mean we have:

Extra time off from work
Extra energy to deal with with our kids
Extra money to pay for activities and entertainment

And that's okay. Having limits is normal, human, and nothing to be ashamed of. You can plan a summer that honors the season of life you're in. You can have a summer that is fun for you and the kids without burning you out and stretching you beyond your limits. So, if you want to plan a good enough summer that works for you, here are 3 reminders to help you do that.

Reminder #1: Independent play is actually good for your kids.

Research shows that letting your kids play on their own is good for their mental health, self-reliance, and creativity. I know many of us have heard this by now, but it's worth repeating: Let Your Kids Play On Their Own.

I know it's hard, and if they're not used to it, they will be upset about it at first and bug you a bunch of times saying, “Mommmmmmmm. I'm borrrrreeeeddddddd.” I know this is annoying (and even unbearable sometimes), but over time they will learn how to entertain themselves. I had to train my kids to allow their boredom to ignite their creativity, and although it was hard in the beginning, they are much better at dealing with their own boredom now.

Pictured below are all my kids' figurines on a journey. I'm not sure where they're headed, but it looks important. 😂 This adventure happened when I told my kids that their screen time was over, and they needed to figure something out. After screen time ended, they were bored, but boredom is not a disease, and it's not my job to cure it.

It's also worth noting that my family and I live in a teeny, tiny apartment. There is no room to run around. It's not safe for my kids to go outside alone. But, they've learned how to create the most amazing games with the toys they have and their imaginations. Every time you push your kids to go entertain themselves, you are literally training their brains to problem solve, get creative, and be resourceful — and don't we all want those skills in our kids?

Reminder #2: Being a burned out, irritable mom is not going to help you make fun summer memories.

I really think we can't be reminded about this enough because too often I see moms making summer plans with ZERO consideration for whether or not these plans are going to help or hurt their ability to stay grounded, present, and healthy.

I am saying this with love: If your plans don't include activities and rest periods that are going to regularly replenish you, you are setting yourself up to be dealing with your kids all day on a very short fuse. Irritability, exhaustion, and even illness are on your horizon if you don't include your own self-care in your summer plans.

I know it's not easy to make time for yourself when the kids are home, but it's essential for your well-being and your kids' well-being. It's not impossible. You can do it. It just might take some out-of-the-box problem solving and planning. If you want to talk through that with my help, you can set up a time for us to chat here.

Reminder #3: You don't have to pack every summer activity into THIS summer.

We have been fooled into believing that we need to make it all happen NOW. The family vacation. The waterpark. The beach weekend. The summer camps. Etc. We have been sold a lie that unless we pack our summer schedules and drain our wallets, we'll have failed to give our kids the summers they'll remember.

This is so wrong. Listen. You have permission to choose one, doable thing to do this summer. One thing. Feel free to choose something that is local, within budget, and that won't fry your already cooked brain with more mental load.

You have more than this one summer with your kids. And let's say you're thinking, “Well, Mia, you don't know that. What if this is the last summer before [insert horrible thing here] happens?”

And to that I will say: If this is your last summer before some horrible thing happens, wouldn't you rather be present, healthy, and happy? Wouldn't you rather be mentally and physically present with your kids and really noticing and soaking in their smiles, their giggles, and their first-time discoveries rather than stressing about what's for dinner, ruminating about that email you still haven't replied to, and worrying about the five other activities you are planning to keep your kids entertained?

I genuinely believe that a good summer starts and ends with how you are taking care of yourself. Give yourself permission to do less, to choose one thing, and to focus your energy on being grounded and present with your kids because honestly, they want that more than all the other stuff.

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Lastly, let me just say this: You are the anchor in your family. As much as I wish that moms had the benefit of sharing the load of leadership, finances, and the mental load more fairly with our partners, I think that Patriarchy and this raggedy economy didn't set us up for this. So let's sit in the reality that you are the anchor and, because you hold it all together, you need to shamelessly protect your health, happiness, and well-being. The more supported and taken care of you are, the better off everyone will be.

You shouldn't feel an ounce of guilt or shame for taking up space this summer or for having boundaries that respect your limits and your needs. You are a good mom — even when you say no, even when you take a break, even when you have a good enough summer. Okay? Okay.

Thank you for reading. Until next time, I'm sending you love and strength.

— Mia 💗

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